Silent Heart
by Mister Nanook
Summary: "Listen to your heart." That's how the saying goes. What happens if that's just not enough for a certain blue jay? He doesn't like feeling this way, but he cannot help it. Is it really so bad to have feeling for two people? It's not a sickness, but it's something he can't cure. The heart just doesn't know what to say. Rated T for Sexual Content and Language.


**AUTHOR'S NOTES: "What the hell is this crap?" I hear you ask. "Where is the long-awaited update to that story where Eileen is pregnant?!" Slow your roll there, chief. It's coming. I just thought I'd try my hand at a one-shot. You know, a little something to get over this slump.**

 **You know how Mordecai is indecisive and unsure when it comes to love? Well, what if that never changes? This story will follow the life he had chosen due to his inability to listen to the heart.**

 _ **Regular Show**_ **and all related characters and elements are trademarks of and © Cartoon Network. I own nothing except for the story, plot, and any characters I created that may occur.**

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The sounds of various crayons running past a sheet of paper one at a time could be heard throughout the spacious living room. It was a calming sound that served to put the occupants of the home at ease. In here sat Margaret Morton and her five-year old daughter Minnie. While she sat on the sofa flipping through pages of a magazine, her young daughter sat cross-legged in front of the coffee table drawing a picture on a piece of white construction paper. A large box of crayons she had gotten as a present from her father recently sat alongside her. She loved drawing, just like her father.

Unfortunately, he was not home tonight. Mordecai Morton was a blue jay who aspired to be an artist. He had never graduated from art school, but that didn't deter him from continuing the profession. With the right amount of patience and several business connections, the blue jay landed a job as a freelance artist for advertising agencies. Generally, this consists of taking on commissions given to him by the agencies, but he does on occasion attend meetings with the higher-ups when asked. This required him to catch a plane or drive out of town, due to the distance between agencies.

Margaret was proud of what her husband accomplished. However, she got lonesome at times. Her job working at Channel 6 News kept her occupied, but the longing feelings of seeing her husband again would get to her. It wasn't just the trips that kept him away from her. It was also the various times Mordecai worked outside of the home. Almost every day he would leave and not return for hours. When asked about this, he would reply by saying he was visiting a firm for more hands-on work, whatever that meant. Margaret wasn't stupid; something was up.

It was like she was married to a ghost. She only saw fragments of him as the days went on. He wouldn't even come home some nights, leaving her alone with a phone call explaining that he had to work late. Clearly, Rigby was right when he claimed that Mordecai was a bad liar. When asked about what kind of work kept him from coming home, Mordecai would stammer on about concept art and preliminary sketches. Margaret didn't buy his excuses. This illusion would falter as Margaret dug deeper into the smoke and mirrors.

She knew what the problem was. It was something that she thought he got over when he was in his early-twenties. Had that been a lie, as well? All signs pointed to the contrary. What a revelation this would be, Margaret thought. She was right all along: men couldn't change. They claim they can, but their primal behaviors aren't something that just goes away. To think that she actually believed that Mordecai could change. Even after the birth of their child. Was he seriously that spineless? Margaret knew what Mordecai was like. When she married him, she also married his flaws. This however wasn't something she could just get over. She didn't accept it, but she understood.

 _He should at least have the courtesy of being open about it. I wouldn't accept it, but I would get why he does it. He was always a stickler when it came to love. I get that. I really do. But this? And our daughter? What would she think about her father then?_

As Margaret put the magazine down, she glanced at her daughter sitting across from her. She was a small purple bird with a beak like her mother's and feathers like her father's. She wore simple baby blue pajamas and had a glowing smile on her face. Margaret mimicked this as she knelled down and put her hand on Minnie's shoulder. Her daughter turned to her.

"Whatcha drawing there?" Margaret asked. Minnie covered the page with her hands.

"It's not finished, mommy!" she whined. "Don't look!"

The robin chuckled, holding her hands up in mock guilt. "Alright, alright! I didn't see a thing!" she assured her. "You almost done?"

"Almost!" Margaret let out another laugh as she stroked the feathers on her daughter's head as she continued with the picture.

"I'm so proud of you, Minnie," she told her.

"For what?" she asked obliviously, turning to Margaret.

"For being the best daughter I have."

"I'm your only daughter!" Minnie laughed. "Silly mommy!"

Margaret snickered as well and kissed her daughter's forehead. "Mommy, I can't draw if you kiss me!"

With a giggle, Margaret pulled away.

"Mommy?" Minnie began.

"Yes, sweetie?"

"My friend Stacy at school has a brother."

"Uh-huh?" Margaret didn't know where she was going with this.

"So, I was thinking…" Minnie paused, and then looked at her mother. "Can I have a brother, too?"

Margaret gulped. Minnie had just started attending kindergarten weeks ago. Where is she getting such ideas like wanting a brother? Not liking the direction this conversation was going, Margaret said, "Let's talk about this when daddy gets home, okay?"

"When is he coming home?" Minnie asked. "I forget."

"He should be home by Monday morning, honey." Margaret said.

"But that's two days away!" she whined. "It's not fair! I wanna see daddy now!"

"Minnie, what did I tell you about raising your voice?"

Minnie paused to think. "It's not ladylike?" she replied, unsure if that was the right answer.

"That's right," Margaret said.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay, sweetie," Margaret assured her. "I wish he was here too." She pulled her daughter in closer for a hug.

"Mommy?" Minnie said.

"Mmm?"

"Can I have some cereal?" Margaret glanced at the wall clock and noticed it was already eight.

"It's already your bedtime, Minnie," she said. The child pouted.

"But I'm hunnnnnnnnngry!" she whined.

"You just had dinner an hour ago!" Margaret countered. Minnie wasn't deterred and started to cry.

"Please, mommy? Just for tonight?" she pleaded, hopping in place. "Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, plllllllllleeeeaaaaase?"

Margaret shook her head with a sigh and acquiesced. "Fine," she said. "But just for tonight!"

"Yay!" The two headed towards the kitchen. "Cereal, cereal, cereal," the young bird cheered quietly. Margaret opened the fridge, only to find no milk cartons remained.

"Damn!" she cursed under her breath, hoping that her daughter didn't hear her. "Looks like we're out of milk!"

"Awwww, maaaaaaaaaaaaan!" Minnie said, dejected.

"Don't worry. I'll pick some up from the store in town," she announced. Her daughter followed her to the front door where her car keys were hanging from the wall. She grabbed them and undid the locks on the door.

"Can I come, mommy?" Minnie asked.

"With just your pajamas? I don't think so, young lady!" Margaret said. "How about you finish your drawing and when I come back, we can have that cereal?"

Minnie's face beamed. "Okay!" she said.

"Now remember to not open the door for anyone except me. Don't take anything out of the kitchen, and do not answer the phone for anyone you don't know. Check the Caller ID," Margaret instructed. "Can you do this for me?"

"Yes, mommy! You can count on me!" she said, giving a small salute. Margaret smiled.

"I'll be back real soon. Stay safe." Margaret placed a kiss on Minnie's forehead, and then left the house. Minnie returned to the coffee table, but was startled by the sudden sound of the house phone ringing. The phone was placed atop a high table, which required Minnie to drag a wooden stepladder from the kitchen due to her height. She picked up the receiver, never bothering to check the Caller ID like her mother had told her to do.

"Hello?" she greeted.

"Hello, Margaret?" the voice on the other line replied. Minnie immediately recognized the caller.

"Daddy!" she cheered with glee.

"Oh, hi Minnie!" Mordecai said. "Didn't expect you to be up this hour. Shouldn't you be in bed, young lady?"

"Nooooooooooo," she said.

"Nice try. Where's your mom?"

"She's out getting milk for cereal!"

"Oh," Mordecai sounded disappointed, but Minnie didn't notice this. "I was really hoping I could talk to her."

"She's at the store. Sorry, daddy," she said. "If I didn't ask for cereal, she would be here." The sad tone of her voice wasn't lost on Mordecai, who felt bad for causing Minnie to become saddened.

"No, it's okay," he assured her. "I'll just call back later when she gets the milk. Don't you worry about a thing, sweetie." Hearing those words made Minnie feel better instantly. "You all better now?"

"Yes, daddy. Thank you."

"Good," Mordecai said with a smile. "How was school?"

"It was really fun! Me and Stacy and Colby learned about animals and we played tag and we heard a story and we drawed lots of pictures!" she recalled with excitement. "I'm drawing a picture right here! Want to see it, daddy?"

"Sure, when I get home!" Mordecai said.

"But that's too loooooong!" Minnie whined.

"I know honey, but I have a lot of business to attend to."

"Can't you not do your beez-nuss and come home?" she asked, struggling to pronounce the word.

"Sorry, Minnie. I just can't. Tell you what: when I get pick you up from school Monday, I'll take you out for ice cream. How's that sound?"

"Can I get anything I want?" she asked eagerly.

Mordecai snorted. "Sure, sweetheart."

" _Anything?_ " she egged on.

Mordecai snorted at her daughter's insistence of what he promised her. "Of course, Minnie."

"Yay! Thanks, dad!" she said with joy overflowing her.

"You're welcome, kiddo. Listen, it's way past your bedtime now. After you eat your cereal, I want you to go to bed, okay? Staying up late is not good for a little girl."

"Okay, daddy," Minnie replied, nodding.

"Good girl," Mordecai said. "I'll call again tomorrow. Good night, honey. Don't let the beg bugs bite!" he teased.

"Daddy!" she laughed. "Those aren't real!" The laughter soon subsided. Minnie then said, "I love you, daddy."

"I love you too, sweetheart." And with that, Mordecai ended the call.

"That was your daughter, huh?" his bedmate for the night and lover asked. A blanket covered her pale white body as she looked to Mordecai.

"Yeah," Mordecai said.

"How is she?"

"She's good," he said. "She sounds like she's doing good."

"Oh," she said. "That's good."

"Yeah." Mordecai went back to the bed and got under the covers. He looked around the hotel room he was staying at, and then turned to his nimbus lover only mere inches away from her.

"Margaret wasn't there?" she asked.

"No, she was out getting milk."

"Milk?" she questioned, smirking.

"Never mind," Mordecai said. "I'll call her tomorrow."

"Okay." She sat up slightly and reached for her cell phone. Mordecai watched as she swiped through random applications.

"Is this okay?" he asked suddenly. His lover turned her head.

"Is what okay?" she said.

"This," he replied, pointing to the bed they were lying down on.

"You mean sex?"

Mordecai felt flustered and shook his head frantically. "No, not just that! I mean, having these feelings for you and being married." She put her phone away and locked eyes with Mordecai.

"That's a question you've got to ask yourself, Mordecai," she said.

"I do ask myself that!" he said with a raised voice.

"And?" she said, undeterred by his sudden outburst.

Mordecai sighed, and then said, "I don't know." He put his palms to his face, not wanting to look at his lover.

"Do you love her?" she inquired.

"Of course I do," Mordecai said, not looking back. "I wouldn't have married her if I didn't.

"Do you love me?"

Mordecai raised his head, offended at what she had just asked. Turning to her, he said, "You know I do."

"Then there you go." She smiled at him.

"But," he said, but paused. "But I'm cheating on her."

"You love her," she said, "and you love me. You're still loyal to her in many ways, and you still show me the same love you would give her." Mordecai listened to what she was saying, but still felt uneasy.

"You ever heard of the phrase 'listen to your heart'?" she asked him.

"Yeah."

"Uh-huh. So what is your heart telling you?"

And there was just silence. His lover remained patient as she knew this wouldn't be an easy question to answer.

After thirty seconds, he said, "It's telling me that I should love Margaret…"

"Go on," she encouraged.

Mordecai took a breath. "It's also telling me that I should love you," he continued. "My heart sucks!"

She giggled at the response. "Don't say that about your heart. It has feelings too. It knows that it has room for both me and Margaret. It's possible to love two people at once. You know that, right?"

Mordecai didn't respond. She sighed in disappointment.

"Mordecai, have you ever considered polygamy?" she asked him.

"What's that?" he said, not recognizing the word.

"That's when someone has more than one spouse."

"Whoa!" Mordecai exclaimed. "That's not legal, right?"

"Well, duh!" she replied, chortling at his ignorance.

"Oh," he said, now feeling foolish for even asking. "So then what do you mean?"

"What I'm saying is that maybe we can just share you instead as _if_ we were married, ya know? Of course, Margaret would still be your legal wife, but we would both be yours. We'd be like one happy family," she concluded with a soothing grin.

Mordecai pondered this for a second, but then said, "That would never work."

"How can you be sure?" she asked. "This way, you can love me and your wife at the same time and we'd both be okay with it."

Mordecai didn't reply immediately. It looked like he was thinking about it, she noted. Mordecai had to admit that if he were to actually go through with this that it would be the most ideal situation. This way, he gets to have them both and would love them unconditionally without ever feeling rotten about it. Despite this, Mordecai knew it was wishful thinking. Margaret would never go for it. He didn't even feel the need to actually bring it up with her. She would call him a sick pervert and selfish for even considering it.

It wasn't about lust, he continuously reminded himself. He loved both of them equally. He didn't choose to feel this way; that's just how it ended up. It's not his fault his heart doesn't do a good job when he tries to listen to it. Why can't he just love two people? Is that really so wrong? It's not like he's having sex with every woman out there like it was an addiction, he wanted to make clear to no one in particular. He loved these women. He would do anything just to be with them. If his wife doesn't know, then she's technically not hurting. He didn't want them both to fight over his heart again. Those memories are too painful to re-explore.

 _Why can't I just be with both of them without feeling bad about it?_ he pondered in his mind. _It's just not fair for me and it's not fair to them._

"If it makes you feel better, then we could all share each other. That way, no one feels left out!" his bedmate suggested, bringing him away from his thoughts for the time being. Mordecai stared at his bedmate in disbelief. Was she really implying what he thought she was implying?

"What?" she said. "Margaret's pretty cute. Nice and firm, ya know?"

Snapping back to reality, Mordecai said, "Look, I don't think that would work. I don't even think Margaret likes girls." After realizing what he said, then added, "Wait, that's not the point!"

"Does the idea of Margaret kissing me turn you on?" she teased seductively, licking her finger and running it across her pearl-colored body. "You could watch all you want."

Mordecai blushed as red as a tomato in response. He cleared his throat upon regaining his composure. "It's not just about Margaret," he clarified. "I mean, even if we did do that, what about my daughter?"

"Well, then she'll have two moms," she replied nonchalantly. "I like Minnie. She's nice." They had indeed met a couple of times and the interactions had always been positive. She enjoyed playing board games with Minnie and taking her to the park to ride the swings. One thing Minnie really enjoyed was the piggyback rides. She always liked feeling tall.

"But what if she tells everyone in school about you?" Mordecai said. "What would they think?"

Silence. Many painful seconds of silence followed. Mordecai didn't know what he said wrong this time. He was just predicting what would undoubtedly happen if they were to be open about this. His lover just looked at him with contempt, not uttering a single word in response. It was obvious to Mordecai that he had offended her somehow.

"Oh." She turned away, breaking the silence and frowning. "I get it."

"Huh?"

"You're ashamed of me," she accused. "It all makes sense now. You don't want me around her because then I'll corrupt her, right? Is that it?" She lied on her side, facing away from Mordecai with her arms wrapped around her chest.

"No, that's not it at all!" he countered.

"Well, clearly it is!" she spat. "I'm just the side chick for you that can't show in public because she's not good enough! Since I'm not Minnie's mom, I'll just be a bad influence!" Tears ran through her eyes. Her body turned a darker color as she used the pillow to dry her tears.

Mordecai stayed silent, but was hurting. He was already feeling terrible about himself. Watching his lover cry in front of his eyes only made him feel more like a lowlife.

"I'm right aren't I?" she said, not waiting for a rebuttal. "I would just _shatter_ the image of a happy family you worked so hard to get to!"

The blue jay didn't dare interrupt her.

"'Wow, Mordecai has two wives!'" she continued with a snide tone. "'Clearly, she can't find a man of her own, so she has to share him! Oh, poor Mordecai! I feel bad for his daughter!' That's what they'd say, huh?" The accusation stunk like a bee, but Mordecai said nothing. He regretted making her feel like this.

"Your heart's not the problem, Mordecai! It's you!" she claimed, glaring at Mordecai. "Your heart says one thing, but your brain says another! It tells you that loving two people is unnatural, but your heart tells you that it's okay. Why do you want to make yourself the bad guy so much?" She turned back to her pillow, not wanting to hear an answer. Mordecai sat there, dumbfounded and without a clue of what to think.

"Maybe I shouldn't see Minnie anymore." She glanced at Mordecai, her face soaked with tears. "After all, I'm just the filthy whore sleeping with her dad," she spat with such venom then buried her face on her pillow once more.

"It's not like that!" Mordecai desperately tried to assure her. "It's just that they wouldn't accept it! They wouldn't understand that my heart is big enough for two loves. You would make a great mom and Minnie would love you! But everyone else would judge us and I just don't want you to suffer that."

Her sniffles were muffled due to the pillow. She finally looked up and said, "What makes you think I give a crap what people think?"

"Huh?" Mordecai didn't know what to make of her response.

"I love you, Mordecai. I love you more than anything in the world. If that means having to share you with your wife, it's fine by me," she said. "I don't care what they say about me. They can call me a slut, a cheater, a whore, I don't care!" She turned away from Mordecai, covering herself with the blanket.

"I just want to be with you," she whispered.

Mordecai was touched. He knew that she loved him, but the lengths she would go to just to be with him? Astounding. He admired her dedication and thought about her words. All the risks that she was willing to take for him really touched him. It was then that he realized that if the roles were reversed, he would do the same for her. No matter what others said about him, he would still stay with her.

He remembered how people would knock him just for being friends with Rigby. He was told that if he hung out with the raccoon, he'd end up a loser for life just like him. It didn't matter what they said. In Mordecai's mind, Rigby was awesome and if he would end up a loser, then at least they could be losers together.

Mordecai eased closer to his sobbing lover and wrapped his arm around her.

"Go away," she grumbled, trying to push his arm away.

"No," he answered, not letting go. "You're right about everything. I love you and I don't care what anyone thinks about that. The fact that you would do all that for me tells me a lot."

She sniffled and popped her head out of the blanket. "Like what?"

He nuzzled his beak towards the back of her head. "That it's worth it."

Her mouth formed a smile as she heard that. Her body slowly, but surely returned to its original color. She turned around, facing the blue jay. She can tell by the look on his eyes that he was sincere.

"You're right about me. I just don't want to believe that I can love two people, so I beat myself up over it just hoping that I can go back to normal. But as I lay here with you, I realize that it's not possible and I can't fight it. So I just shouldn't. This is just how I am." His lover, touched by his words scooted closer to him.

"My heart sucks, but it'll always have room for you," he said, stroking her cheek.

"Does it have room for both of us?" she pondered, rubbing his chest.

He nodded and pulled her in for a kiss. She wrapped her arms around her body, rubbing small circles on his back. The kiss became deeper soon enough, their tongues exploring every last bit of their mouths. This was a reminder of the love they shared and the same love he would give to his wife. With a satisfied moan, the two parted lips.

"Let's talk about this tomorrow," he said. She nodded and buried her head into his chest. Listening to his heartbeat was very relaxing to her. This was the heart that he could never listen to, but it cared for her and his wife. He stroked her hair with one hand, and ran his other hand down her smooth body. He settled on putting it around her waist. The warmth was making them sleepier by the second.

"I love you, Mordecai," was the last thing she whispered before nodding off.

"I love you too, CJ."

Margaret arrived back home twenty minutes later and found Minnie asleep on the sofa. She smiled at the sight. Poor girl couldn't stay up past eight yet. She put the milk in the fridge and walked to her sleeping daughter. She noticed that Minnie was hugging a piece of paper on her chest. No doubt it was the picture she was working on earlier. Margaret carefully pulled it away from her grasp and placed it on the coffee table. She picked up her daughter delicately, her quiet snores filling the air like music. Margaret carried her out of the living room and to her bedroom, never once looking at the drawing.

The drawing on the table showed crude interpretations of Margaret, CJ, Mordecai, and Minnie holding hands. All of them were smiling. In the picture, Mordecai and Margaret held each other's hands, while Minnie held her mother's and CJ's. They were all inside a giant pink-colored heart. " **I LUV MY FAMILIE!** " was scribbled above them.

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 **AUTHOR'S NOTES: Well, what'd you think? I personally like the concept. It's a bit taboo, but whatever. I'm not afraid to branch out. Let me know what you think and stick around for more updates soon! Until we meet again.**

 _ **Offended? Sorry, I don't believe in trigger warnings. You should know what you're getting into.  
-Mister Nanook**_


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